You meaning me - hits upon a wall.
Muffled. I cannot hear you.
Cannot perceive you seeing me in a place in which I don´t even see myself.
Seen by you. Really seen. Really? How does that taste, feel, look like?
Is there a body sensation that comes along with?
What does that mean?
Whom do you see?
How do I look like?
Who is that, "me" - and what´s she all about?
What´s her Essence, her taste, what´s her real deal - "me"?
I´ve been hiding so well I´ve never even noticed it myself.
There is no freaking way you actually find me, see me in my spot, tucked away, forever.
I trust in the trees - simply being present for me. Just so.
I trust in the Earth - holding me, regardless.
Yet in the human realm?
Maybe forever is over.
You look at me. I check you. All the time.
What do you want? How do I have to be?
Today, you looked at me, and stayed.
And you stayed.
"I want you. This is about YOU.
I don´t want anybody else. And this is, what I mean. I mean YOU."
And you stayed - right there, in front of my wall that´s trying to push you away in disbelief.
"Can you hear me? I mean it. Don´t give me any other bullshit.
It is YOU that I want."
And then I feel a crack in the wall, a small opening, a new possibility - through which tears start pouring out.
Thank you my man - for still opening me up.
After all these years.